... Pants on Fire

Floyd Landis’ B sample has been tested and the result has confirmed that he is a cheater. Landis won’t admit it but we all know he is lying. Or is he? Is it all really a conspiracy to keep him from claiming the glory that he thinks he deserves? Landis has not been able to come up with a reasonable explanation to support this so in the interest of fairness I have put together a possible timeline that might help Floyd explain what has happened to him and clear his good name.

End of Stage 16: Landis is downtrodden. He has succumbed to fatigue, fallen off the lead and is seemingly out of contention. While the leaders are presented their jerseys Floyd wanders off to contemplate the next stage.

10 minutes later: Landis runs into Justin Gatlin and his masseuse. In an effort to cheer Floyd up Justin suggests that he needs an invigorating massage. Landis agrees.

5 minutes later: Gatlin’s masseuse is working on Landis. He is using a special “non-testosterone” cream to ease the tension in Floyd’s muscles.

1 hour later: Landis is still down but feeling slightly rejuvenated. To continue the healing process he decides that consuming hard liquor will do the trick. He calls Ben Johnson and Jose Canseco to join him.

15 minutes later: Johnson and Canseco show up with bottles of Jack Daniels.

1 hour later: Landis passes out drunk. Johnson and Canseco leave to go find Justin Gatlin.

Next day: Landis wakes up feeling energetic after a night of drinking. Spurred on by his naturally high testosterone levels he destroys the field and sets himself up to win the Tour de France. Al Trautwig wets his pants.

Clearly Gatlin, Johnson and Canseco have been hired by Tour de France officials to discredit Landis. It may soon be revealed that aliens from Neptune are involved too, but this is only a rumor at this point.

You got caught Landis, it’s time to man up.